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Today's Smile

Have a little doggy smile! Contributions welcome!!

A Christmas Song for the "Marking Dog"
If Dogs Ruled the World...
What I learned this Winter!
Getting Ready for the ski, skijoring or mushing season
Dogs Change Light Bulbs?
New Breeds

"How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?"

CHIHUAHUAS:At least 20 for a 10 foot high ceiling light. [contributed by Pamela Smith 1/17/07]

COCKER SPANIELS: None! They can pee on the carpet in the dark quite nicely! [contributed by Lynda Nelson 6/12/04]

BORDER COLLIE: One!  Me! I'll herd it! I'll herd it! Whaddya mean, these don't come in flocks??!! [contributed by Paul Wertz 1/27/01]

SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: Two. One to to make the old bulb heel to the trash, the 2nd to fetch a new bulb.  Cheese please! [contributed by Paul Wertz 1/27/01]

GREYHOUND: Only if it's near the couch! [contributed by Aline Jannenga 4/9/00]

SIBERIAN HUSKY: Hell no, I see better when that dumb guy on sled turns it off!
[contributed by Aline Jannenga 4/9/00]

How many ALASKAN HUSKIES does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 16--They have to go to Nome for the light bulb & they can't go alone.
[contributed by Steve & Norma Warner 10/9/99]

MALAMUTE: no, you change the light bulb, I just wanna play with the old one! [contributed by anonymous 7/6/99]

DACHSHUND: won't change the bulb, but he will dig the old bulb out of the trash and bury it here, no wait that's the wrong spot ...this is better, no, maybe over there............. [contributed by anonymous 7/6/99]

GERMAN SHORTHAIR POINTER: Points at dark bulb until owner notices. Gives them a disgusted look for taking so long to get there. Eats it anyway. [contributed by Megan Capon]

GREAT PYRENEES: One. It sits patiently under the light bulb and waits for the world to remove around it. [contributed by Rebecca 10/20/03]

ENGLISH MASTIFF: dum... de dum...... de dum........what? talkin to me? [contributed by anonymous]

ROTTWEILER: Just one. You want to make something of it?

DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of light bulb and find a more efficient form of lighting -- perhaps a fluorescent bulb.

AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years to do it.

POMERANIANS: don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a German Shepherd in to do the job for them while they're out.

PUG: Er, two. Or maybe one. No -- on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

AFGHAN: Light bulb? What light bulb?

CAT: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

SHIBA-INU: Zero! Shibas aren't afraid of the dark!

SCHIPPERKE: It's your light bulb -- change it yourself. Unless..... Is there food involved??

POODLE: Sorry, Just had my nails done.

BEAGLE: How many cookies do I get?

WEIMARANER: What?? Light bulb? You want ME to change a LIGHT BULB?

LAB: Why change it? The darker it is, the longer I can sleep.

BASENJI: LIGHT BULB? We don't change no stinking light bulbs!

MALAMUTE: Let *him* do it. You can pet me while he's busy.

BOXER: If I could stop wiggling my butt long enough to quit falling off the chair.......

AMERICAN BULLDOG: One. JUMP, remove bulb, land. JUMP, replace bulb, land. Two: What light bulb, So? We can play in the dark.

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or Frisbee -- and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my sad eyes. What, you're changing the light bulb yourself -- you didn't have to do that -- but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."

DALMATIAN: Just one, but it will really hate the new bulb.

ROTTWEILER: I'll change the light bulb if I can eat the old one.

CORGI: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

SPRINGER: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

STANDARD POODLE: None. Go get human, sit under it, look up and point it out -- then go lie down in disgust that it took so long.

BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.

WOLFDOG: Let me see that light bulb, anyway. What's it made of, what's inside of it, what will happen if I drop it. I might change it, but let me think about it. You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you? Hey, I just had a great idea. I think I'll change that light bulb!

GERMAN SHEPHERD: "I'm kinda busy right now! I have to chase the cat, protect the kids, herd the horses, beg for food and take a nap. I'll add the light bulb to my "To Do" list...."

DACHSHUND: Well, first get me a ladder and a, you took too long. I want TWO treats and I'll do it......No, not that treat, the other kind. I have to do everything? (of course, followed by "the look".)

IRISH SETTER: It only takes one, but it will put in a really dim bulb.

PIT BULL TERRIER: Jump and take hold of old light bulb. Now, let go of old light bulb........ I said LET GO OF LIGHT BULB! Please???? Let go of the light bulb?????? Let go?


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4ballchange.gif (451 bytes)  To the tune of Winter Wonderland! 4ballchange.gif (451 bytes)

Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening'.
It's yellow, NOT white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland

Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,
So all the world will know that it's

Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I marked it as my winter wonderland."

Author Unknown

Contributed by Theresa Daily of Dude Dog Cartoons , 12/10/99

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brownpuppy.gif (1162 bytes)"IF DOGS RULED THE WORLD ...

We'd always find somewhere to bury our troubles.

Our spirits would be unleashed.

We'd stop barking up the wrong trees.

We'd always paws for reflection.

Beggars could be choosers.

We'd have faithful friends and loyal love.

We'd give a lick about each other."

[Contributed by Mike & Robin Monarch, ColdRush Siberians, 12/1/99]

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Thanks to Jeff Dinsdale, Quesnel, British Columbia for the following helpful hints!

Getting ready for the ski season..or skijoring...or mushing in general!

The following list was developed for skiers....but there is definitely some overlap for dog mushers

16 steps to follow in preparation for this year's ski season :

16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a couple of hours. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

14. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

12. Throw a $100 bill away - right now.

11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, zip it up, and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. Do this in the walk-in cooler if possible.

3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!

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(Yup, this one has made the rounds, but I still get a kick out of it!)

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC

  • Husky + Lab = Hub, center of the known universe.
    [contributed by Ron Stone 8/23/05]

  • Cantaloupe + Sheep Dog = "a melon-collie baby"
    [contributed by JV, 11/1/99]

  • Australian Shepherd + Border Collie = Australian Collie, a prissy dog that wants to work [contributed by Ginny, Rockin Red Ranch, 8/16/99]

  • Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

  • Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

  • Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

  • Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

  • Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

  • Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

  • Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

  • Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

  • Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

  • Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

  • Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

  • Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

  • Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

  • Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Bull Shitzu, a gregarious but unreliable breed

Email us your additions (or other dog jokes?).

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